Thanks, guys!
Dana
Waiting in Faith |
When we met with my new Napro dr at the end of April, he told us that everything we were already doing was perfect, and that he wanted to have me take post-peak heparin, and check my progesterone level while on progesterone. I planned on trying to avoid a pregnancy this cycle, to let him check my progesterone level with no urgency. Well...I had a moment of weakness during my fertile window, and for the last 5 days, I've had morning sickness and exhaustion. My boobs don't hurt too bad, but the last day or two, it has started to get a little uncomfortable when I try to sleep on my stomach because of them. After my last two miscarriages earlier this year, I have major pregnancy test anxiety. I never made it to a positive test with Michael, and with Margaret, I got a positive test about a week before I started bleeding. The earliest I would consider testing would be this coming Tuesday, anyway. I REALLY don't want to test, but I know I have to. I guess I just need prayers for strength, courage, and peace.
Thanks, guys! Dana
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A few days ago, I got an email from my lawyer, telling me that Bella's father's lawyer quit him. After all these (12 or so) years of being his lawyer, through all the craziness, and his lack of ability to pay off and on, the only reason I can think of for her quitting now is that she sees total defeat in the near future, and doesn't want her name anywhere near it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but I'm pretty excited about it! So, I have figured out that the three hardest (emotionally) days for me are (in no particular order) Mother's Day, my birthday, and Christmas. Those are typically the days that I think about and miss my mom, and my 3 saints the most. This year, my birthday falls the day before Mother's Day (today). I love and appreciate deeply the blessings of having my 2 beautiful girls to hold and love on, but my arms and heart still ache very much for my 3 missing children. I have 5 children, but you can only see 2, and usually just 1. I'm trying really hard to put on a brave face, and fake joy, but all I really want to do is just hide in my closet with chocolate and wait for Monday, when things go back to normal.
Of course, Bella asked me last week what I wanted for my birthday/Mother's Day, so I thought, and gave her several ideas. I even sat at the computer with her for awhile, giving her hints about colors that I like, etc. She decided on giving me a date night with hubby, and reservations at a restaurant. Since going gluten-free, eating out is difficult, overwhelming, and work. I don't want to have to think so hard about my present. I just want to relax and try to have fun. I looked at the menu where she got reservations. I can pretty much only order 1 of like 3 things there without worrying about what's in the sauce, or whatever. Ugh! I wish she had just listened to me, and gone with what I asked for. Meanwhile, tomorrow is Mother's Day, when I will be without my mother, over half of my kids, and stuck with my MIL for a good chunk of the day. :-( I wish I could just fast forward this weekend. I'm not upset that I'm another year older. In fact, I'm proud to be 35, and I don't care who knows my age. I'm just upset about the people who can't celebrate with me. I've been oiling like a crazy person, and plan to take a stress-relieving pill before we go to dinner. Pray for me? Thanks and God bless! Dana |
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September 2017
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