God Bless,
Dana
Waiting in Faith |
Well, Friday evening I asked Bella if she still wanted to go see Beauty and the Beast with her friends on Saturday. Thankfully, half the class had apparently decided to go, so she didn't want to anymore (not as fun as just going with a couple friends). So, I didn't even have to "go there" with my objections to the movie. Then on Saturday, we had our therapy session (me and Bella - to work on our relationship). The therapist decided that it was time for me to tell Bella the story of the custody battle, and what caused her to be living with her father, etc. Caught me completely off guard. If you don't know the whole story, let's just say that it's ugly, long, complicated, and not really a kid-friendly story. So, I did the best I could at giving her the G-rated, Cliff's Notes version with the highlights, but no details. Of course, having to dig so deeply into that part of my past opened up something that I had long closed and forgotten about. It's like that whole story was this huge, gaping, puss-filled wound in the middle of my back, that over time had healed into a scar that didn't hurt, and was on my back, so I couldn't see it or feel it. The therapist just took a knife and opened it to see what was in there, and it went back to gaping. Maybe not puss-filled, but it was gaping. After we finished talking about it, the therapist sent Bella out to the waiting room, and tried to help me decompress, and do some breathing exercises. By the time we left, I thought I was back to doing okay with it, but for the next couple of nights, when the dog would wake me up in the middle of the night, I would lie awake, thinking about all of it, and have trouble going back to sleep. That finally stopped, and I'm back to fine. Meanwhile, continuing my Lenten practice of reading books that are good for my soul/will help me grow in holiness, I finished reading the Screwtape Letters. Basically, my main take-away from that book was what I posted about a couple of times ago (focusing only on the present). After I finished that book, I immediately picked up Hungry Souls, which is about the holy souls in Purgatory and what they experience. It is a VERY good book, and a pretty quick read. After reading that book, I am praying much more for the poor souls in Purgatory, wearing my brown scapular more regularly, and have started praying the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary, which Our Lady promised if someone faithfully wore the brown scapular and prayed the Little Office everyday, that they would get out of Purgatory on the first Saturday after their death. I am also going to be enrolled in the Confraternity of the Most Holy Rosary tomorrow evening. Being enrolled in this confraternity will require no more of me than I'm already doing, and will free so many souls in Purgatory by just praying a tiny bit extra under certain circumstances. After reading that book, I started reading The Flame of Love. This book is, I think, far above me right now. I don't think I'm holy enough yet (ever?) to be able to do everything that Jesus and Our Lady ask in that book. There's very strict fasting, no distractions (ever!), rigorous prayer life, etc. There are a few aspects of it that I can see incorporating into my prayer life immediately, and interestingly enough, have mostly to do with helping those in Purgatory. I did pray about it in adoration this morning, though, and asked Jesus to put it on my heart if He wants me to take on everything in the Flame of Love book right now. So far, He hasn't responded, or doesn't want me to do that right now. Anyway, I only have a few pages left, and then I'm going to start my next book, which I'm SUPER excited about. It's The Jewish Roots of the Eucharist, and (I think) is going to tightly link the Jewish Passover to the Eucharist and the Last Supper. Speaking of linking the Jewish Passover and the Last Supper, our co-op is going to be having a Seder meal this coming Sunday. I (apparently at some point) volunteered to help lead it, and as the only one in the group with any kind of Jewish heritage or knowledge of Jewish culture, I was given the assignment of editing the Haggadah (the script that is used during the meal). They've apparently done a Seder the last 2 years, but this is my first time being able to go. I looked at what they had put together (by researching on Google, etc.), and it was pretty decent! I added a few things, changed the order a bit, and took out a little, and I'm REALLY happy with the way it came out! While I was researching a few things (making sure I was remembering right and not completely making stuff up), I came across this website called the 4th Cup. There's a fascinating video on there about Jesus, the Passover, the Crucifixion, and the Eucharist. It's about an hour and a half long, though, so be prepared to sit for awhile if you want to watch it. There were things I heard in that video that I had heard before, but forgotten, or things that I had known for a long time, but never put the pieces together, or just altogether new stuff that I had never thought about or realized. It was just really interesting. Another happy update is something that happened on Tuesday this week. Emma had a playdate, and her little friend (3 year old boy who I think she "adopted" as almost a little brother, although he apparently told his mom that Emma is his girlfriend, so I'm not sure the feeling is quite mutual lol) has a baby brother. The baby is 3 months old, has dimples, and is the cutest baby I've seen in awhile. I honestly can't tell you when the last time was that I was able to look at a baby, let alone hold one without even a little sadness welling up inside me. Let me tell you, I HELD that baby on Tuesday. And not just for a second because his mom needed to do something. I held him because I WANTED to. And I enjoyed it! I think it has a lot to do with the books that I've been reading this Lent, focusing on the present, and just LOVING God more. Whenever I start thinking about the future and what it may or may not hold for me (and our family), I mentally smack myself and focus back on the present. So far, it's making a huge difference in my spiritual and emotional health. I hope your Lent is being just as fruitful (or MORE fruitful!)!
God Bless, Dana
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September 2017
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