Dana
I was starting to stress a little bit that it was already lunchtime on Christmas Eve (with Bella leaving tomorrow at noon), and we had yet to talk about things, so I called Bella into my locked bedroom to talk while I finished wrapping Emma's presents. I started by apologizing to her for believing even for a second that she didn't really want to come visit us anymore. Then, I explained to her what a Guardian ad Litem is, and how extremely important it will be that she tell them the absolute truth about what she thinks and feels about everything. I also explained to her that if she hadn't told the interviewer 2 years ago that she didn't want to live with us (because she didn't want to be homeschooled - which nobody asked me if I was even PLANNING to do - I actually wasn't), I firmly believe she would be living with us now. I also told her that if something like that should happen again (an interview situation), and she was concerned/worried/stressed about ANYTHING that would affect her living with us (or not), that it would be very helpful to know about that in advance, and give her and I a chance to talk about it privately before it got overly complicated with court stuff. When I was done, I asked her if she had anything she wanted to talk about. She didn't, but she looked very relieved at everything I had to say. I gave her a big hug, told her that she was my big girl, my first girl, that she MADE me a mother, and and that I will ALWAYS love her, no matter what anyone says. Then, I told her that I promise not to believe any of that stuff, if she promised not to believe it either. She smiled and said deal. I gave her a kiss, and sent her back out to play. I feel much better now, knowing that I've told her all of that, and that she'll be leaving tomorrow more prepared for whatever will be facing her at her dad's house. On a side note, I would like to ask for more prayers. I'm in the two week wait (TWW) - the approximate two weeks between ovulation and the start of the next cycle. The last few days, I've been more tired than is reasonable (like, I wake up in the morning and I'm still exhausted), and slightly nauseous off and on. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's not really working. Please pray that I AM actually pregnant, and not just crazy. ;-) Also, if I'm not, that I'll get through the disappointment and heartbreak quickly, and not give up hope. Thanks! Merry Christmas, everyone!
Dana
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September 2017
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