Charlotte Marie, pray for us.
Michael Austin, pray for us.
Margaret Rose, pray for us.
Waiting in Faith |
As it occasionally happens (usually at random, and out of nowhere), I was just sitting here, living my life, and it just struck me how different my life would be if 2 of my last 3 babies had lived (Margaret would not have existed if Michael had lived, but I lost her too). Emma has her last day of swimming lessons tomorrow, and she has insisted on going to our pool to practice every day. Her enthusiasm has paid off, and she's been promoted to level 3 as of yesterday. I'm so proud of her! Hanging out at the pool every day has been nice, I guess. I've been able to read a book and a half in the last 2 weeks, and I can't remember the last time I was able to do that. However, as I was sitting by our neighborhood pool this afternoon, I was watching the other moms with their toddlers and babies. I just started thinking that if Charlotte had lived, she would be 20 months, and likely a handful at the pool. I wouldn't be able to just sit back and read books. I'd probably be in that cold pool with both kids every day. I'd also be heading quickly into the uncomfortable phase of pregnancy if Margaret had lived, and getting the nursery ready by now if Michael had lived. I doubt I would have been brave enough (crazy enough?) to drive all the way to Maryland with toddler Charlotte and a big, pregnant belly. So, we probably wouldn't have been able to see my family out there. I also doubt I'd be so willing to drive as much as I do to visit friends and family in other states. But, I WOULD be enjoying the pre-two-year-old cute phase with Charlotte, and excitedly awaiting the arrival of Michael or Margaret. I would be enjoying watching Emma be the amazing big sister that I know she was always meant to be. I would be so busy keeping up with Charlotte and Emma, I would be a little anxious about getting the nursery ready in time, but it would be such a sweet time, I wouldn't mind. I would be having Charlotte feel the little kicks from Michael or Margaret, and getting her excited to be a big sister. I would be getting a little nervous about starting back to school with Emma with a more active Charlotte, and a baby arriving. I would probably start school very soon to give us more time to take off with the baby. I can't even imagine everything we'd be doing or experiencing as a family if 2 of my last 3 babies had lived. I'm sure it would be some kind of wonderful craziness, though! I'm happy to report that while thinking about my babies will always reveal a longing and emptiness, that it no longer comes with tears and despair. Just a reminder for myself of the wonderful reunion I'll have in Heaven one day, and encouragement to stay the course, so I can experience it. <3 <3 <3
Charlotte Marie, pray for us. Michael Austin, pray for us. Margaret Rose, pray for us.
2 Comments
Katie
8/5/2016 12:20:11 pm
I read this today: http://thefederalist.com/2016/08/05/lady-antebellum-star-opens-up-about-her-miscarriage/
Reply
Dana
8/5/2016 02:04:43 pm
Thanks! I'll look at those links later, and I definitely appreciate the prayers!
Reply
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